Home / Editorials

16 Subtle Warning Signs From Your Partner That They’re Falling Out Of Love

There are lots of small changes in a relationship that can indicate a partner is falling out of love. It may be as subtle as forgetting to make you a coffee in the morning or continually running late to your dates — whatever it is, the variations can all start to add up. Once they do, that’s when you’ll want to get more info and find out what’s going on.

“If you notice these signs it's a good idea to do an emotional check-in with your partner,” Dr. Candace Southall, Ph.D., LPC, a licensed professional counselor, tells Bustle. “This will help both of you understand how you are feeling and express things you have noticed that have changed.”

Once your partner understands how their actions make you feel, they might agree to make a change and get things back on track. “Even if their behaviors [weren’t] an indicator that they were falling out of love, it is good to be in tune and keep that open communication so that you can develop an understanding of each other and identify the root cause of the emotional disconnect,” Southall says.

That said, not all relationships are meant to last forever. People grow up, grow apart, and go their separate ways all the time. And that’s OK. “It’s important to remember that it takes two to make a relationship work,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of Date Smart, tells Bustle. If your partner doesn’t want to invest in you and the relationship, breathe a sigh of relief that you figured it out and go your separate ways.

👉 For more insights, check out this resource.

You can also try spending time apart after talking openly about how each of you feels. "In some cases, absence makes the heart grow fonder and they [may] reconsider their feelings," says Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background checking site TruthFinder. "But always be prepared to let go of someone who isn't willing to fight for your relationship.”

Read on for 16 subtle signs your partner is about to fall out of love.

👉 Discover more in this in-depth guide.

It may sound small, but pay attention to whether your S.O. has stopped using pet names with you. “If your partner usually says ‘I love you’ or utters terms of endearment such as ‘babe,’ ‘sweetheart,’ or ‘boo’ and they no longer say these things to you, it could be a sign that love is diminishing,” Lawrenz says. These words will feel too mushy for someone who just isn’t feelin’ it.

Another subtle sign? If your partner is decidedly less tender and sweet. “This might arise through reduced touching, brittle conversations, or a decrease in little acts of kindness,” Manly says. They won’t kiss you before bed, text to check in, or arrive home with your favorite iced matcha in hand.

While there are lots of reasons why a person might stare unblinkingly into their phone, falling out of love is certainly one of them. “Your partner may spend excessive time distracting themselves on social media,” Schliessman says, as a way to avoid having emotional conversations about the state of your relationship. They know that any moment of dead air could result in a chat they aren’t ready (or don’t want) to have, so they busy themselves with social media (or TV, or podcasts) to keep you at bay.

It isn’t a good sign if your partner starts acting more like a roommate. When that happens, it’ll seem like you’re just politely co-existing and going about your days, without much emotion, energy, or connection.

While all of these red flags can point to a problem, try not to read too deeply into small changes. "Don’t assume that the distance can only be that they are falling out of love," Klapow says. Every relationship shifts and changes over time, and everyone has off days. "But don’t assume that everything is fine, either,” he adds.

If your partner seems different, bring it to their attention and have a heart-to-heart. From there you may decide to work on the relationship and see if you can get it back on track. "You won’t know until you talk,” Klapow says, so make that your first priority.

Experts:

Dr. Candace Southall, Ph.D., LPC, licensed professional counselor

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist

Dr. Lori Lawrenz, clinical psychologist

Jennifer Grant Schliessman, LCSW, psychotherapist

Dr. Wyatt Fisher, licensed psychologist

Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background checking site TruthFinder

Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

This article was originally published on